We got to school, and I did the daily routine. Walk Jake to his 6th grade classroom, get myself a drink from the disgusting fountain, and head to my 8th grade classroom. I walked into the tiny 4 walled room, and I felt like everyone was starring at me. I could feel my face turning red, not that It wasn't already red from crying. I finished walking in, and put my stuff by my desk.I felt like they were starring at me up and down, as if I were some famous rock star. I looked at the clock, and I still had 3 minutes till the bell rang. I walked out of the classroom, and headed to the bathroom. I felt like I was sprinting more than I was walking though. I took a sharp turn into the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. It was clear on what everyone was looking at. My Face turned even more red that it already was. I was so embarrassed. I got a wet paper towel, and whipped off the big booger that was stuck on my shirt, right below my collarbone. I must of gotten this stuck to me, when I was crying, and sneezing at the same time. I stood in the bathroom, and looked at myself. I stepped out of the bathroom, and walked to the classroom as slow as possible.
Friday, May 27, 2011
What Lily & Jake Had to Say. *continued*
Me and Jake got on the bus, and I was still in tears. He sat with me in the 5th seat from the end up. I put my bags in front of me, and rested my head on the window sill. I didn't want to talk to anybody, and I especially didn't want people asking me was was wrong.
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I still really like this and i can't wait to read more next week. I wonder what it would be like if you had wrote more. I wish i could have read more.
ReplyDeleteI think this is really good Kelcie. I wish I could've read more. I wonder what you'll add to it next week.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this, it was realistic and made me feel sad. I wonder what would happen if talked about how she acted in class more. I wish there was more. :-)
ReplyDeleteKelcie, i liked that like i already liked the other parts of the story! I had to laugh at the end though. I wonder what happened to her when she returned to the classroom. I wish I would also know about her brothers day.
ReplyDeleteI love what you wrote this week. I laughed at the ending, I didn't see that coming. I wonder what she was like when she got back to the classroom and I wish I could read more. (:
ReplyDeleteI love your piece of writing, Kelcie! You have a gift of make things interesting. I enjoyed some of the imagery that you put into it 'wiped the big booger that was stuck on my shirt, right below my collarbone'. I thought that jake and lily were older because of the way they act. I wish that you have written more and added some more detail. I wonder what is going to happen to Lily and Jake, do things get better or worse in their lives?
ReplyDeleteKelcie, first - let me tell you how happy I am that you've been continuing this piece of writing. I really like these characters - especially Lily, and I want to continue to spend time with them. They feel very real. In this piece, I think your description of how Lily is thinking about her looks (and the booger) help to add to the realism.... I wonder though what would happen if you added more setting details to help surround the characters (all we really get is the disgusting water fountain). How did she know she was wearing snot? Did she feel it? Someone point it out? It sounds like a weird question, but she goes from thinking about her red face to wiping away the booger everyone was staring out. If she knew about it, she'd have cleaned it off earlier.... So maybe revisit that segment.
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